|STAY THIRSTY MY FRIENDS - HOW THE MOST INTERESTING MAN IN THE WORLD BECAME A SCRATCH GOLFER|
Sunday, September 5, 2010
MEXICO CITY, Mexico - The quest for a great golf swing begins with desire. Did you recently start playing with better players? Is there a big money tournament on the horizon? Perhaps your wife or girlfriend regularly hits her tee shot fifty yards past yours.
It is desire that drives people to purchase my golf instruction DVD and others like it. That indominable spirit that lifted so many great men and women to, well, greatness. The select minority of the human race whose goal it is to improve, excel and conquer.
Are you one of these overachievers? Do you possess any of those special qualities like dedication or perserverence? Can you ever hope to stand up against "The Most Interesting Man in the World?"
As a child, when asked by a teacher, "What would you like to be when you grow up"? He Answered, "Myself".
He once started a fire, using dental floss and water.
He has never lost a sock.
His organ donation card also lists his beard.
His shirts never wrinkle.
He is left-handed. And right-handed.
Even if he forgets to put postage on his mail, it gets there.
You can see his charisma from space.
The police often question him, just because they find him interesting.
When he orders a salad, he gets the dressing right there on top of the salad, where it belongs…where there is no turning back.
On every continent in the world, there is a sandwich named after him.
He doesn’t believe in using oven mitts, nor potholders.
His cereal never gets soggy. It sits there, staying crispy, just for him.
Respected archaeologists fight over his discarded apple cores.
If he disagrees with you, it is because you are wrong.
Even his enemies list him as their emergency contact.
If he were to give you directions, you would arrive 10 minutes early.
He never says anything tastes like chicken, even chicken.
He watches 60 Minutes in ten.
He was once found guilty, of being innocent.
His bear hugs are actually hugs he gives to bears.
He frowns on men who use "Just For Men". He says "you shouldn't do it, but if you do, use Loreal".
He lives his life vicariously through himself.
He once taught his dog how to bark in Spanish.
No matter which side of the tracks he is on, he is on the right side of the tracks. When he goes to the other side of the tracks he is STILL on the right side of the tracks.
He never makes small talk about the weather, even in a hurricane.
People hang on his every word, even the prepositions.
He can speak French, in Russian.
He once challenged his own reflection to a staring contest. On the 4th day, he won.
His tacos refuse to fall from the shell.
If you were to see him walking chihuahua, it would still look masculine.
Dicing onions doesn't make him cry...it only makes him stronger.
He has never filled up on chips.
In museums, he is allowed to touch the art.
The only time he was wrong was the time he thought he was wrong.
He once had an awkward moment, just to see what it felt like.
He is the life of parties he never went to.
Sharks have a week dedicated to him.
Even watching him sleep has been described as breathtaking.
He's never needed lip balm.
He went to a psychic once...to warn HER.
If he punched you in the face you would have to fight off the urge to thank him.
His hands feel like rich, brown suede.
His personality is so magnetic, he is unable to carry credit cards.
Every time he goes for a swim, dolphins appear.
He’s against cruelty to animals, but isn’t afraid to give a stern warning.
He once ran a marathon backwards, just to see what second place looked like.
A movie about his life cannot be completed because no one wants it to end.
He is the only person Chuck Norris has apologized to.
One hour of conversation with him is equivalent to 16 years of college.
He is always on time, yet somehow arrives fashionably late.
He can make orange juice out of apples.
He counts his chickens before they hatch...and they always hatch.
When life gives him lemons... He makes Champagne.
If he slept with your girlfriend...you would brag to your buddies.
If he was to say that something costs an arm and a leg, it actually would.
He can order breakfast any time of day at McDonalds.
He has crossed the point of no return - on several occasions.
He once was able to get online...with no internet connection.
If at first he does not succeed, then it is impossible.
He makes the phrase "a whole new meaning" take on a whole new meaning.
If he were ever to shave his beard, the country of Spain would fly their flag at half mast.
People that don't believe in love at first sight, have never laid eyes on him.
He never has to raise his voice.
He's the only one who knows what Willis is talkin' about.
When he goes to a sporting event, the players cheer him.
Bulls flat out refuse to fight him.
He can divide by zero.
He has never lost an argument.
Telemarketers refuse to call him.
Even as a baby, his scribbles have been defined as works of art.
Charlie Daniels once challenged him to a fiddling contest and lost.
He was once pulled over for speeding, but he let the officer go with just a warning.
He once turned a vampire into a vegetarian.
When the owl asks "Who?", the is answer is always "Him".
He was pardoned after pirates applauded him for moonwalking the plank.
He successfully breeds balloon animals.
His beard won 'Best in Show' at Westminster.
He was on the cover of his High School Year book.
His bologna spells his name.
He is perfectly understood, in every part of the world.
He once threw a rock into the ocean, till this day, it is still skipping.
His name is often mentioned when people are asked... "Who's your daddy?"
He once won the Tour de France but was disqualified for riding a uni-cycle.
He can inhale and exhale at the same time.
You could slice a pear with the crease in his pants.
He can spit into the wind...without fear of consequence.
Man Hating Lesbians have become heterosexual after seeing him from across the street.
He once drove to Hawaii.
He tells his milk when, and if, to expire.
He owns so many properties, he rents his summer home out to himself without knowing it.
The bartender always tips him.
He was told to sleep with one eye open... He did.
His shadows are in color.
Elvis called him the King.
Cab drivers ask him for directions.
He can pronounce words wrong and you wouldn't know the difference.
We are not worthy..but he's nice about it.
He has never once been asked to hold while on the phone.
If he committed a faux paus, it would no longer be one.
Sometimes he wakes up early....just so he can spend more time with himself.
He is in the family photos of families he is not even a member of.
When he goes to the airport, they ask him to search himself.
He would whistle while he works, but he doesn't work.
He composes symphonies when someone pulls his finger.
He once won a fist fight, using only his beard.
He can watch 3D in 3D without the glasses.
If the earth ever lost its magnetic field, we'd still be protected by his.
He once made a weeping willow laugh.
If you have $5 and he has $5, he has more money than you.
His dog bags and throws away its own poop.
He can fool all of the people all of the time.
He has bitten off a lot of things, but never more than he could chew.
People don't mind when he eats with his mouth open, so they can see what he is eating.
When he donates an organ, he just grows another one.
He once turned in a blank test and got a perfect score.
His compass always points to him.
Beer companies make commercials about him.
If he jumped off a bridge, everyone else would do it.
He can be at two places at the same time and a third place if he wanted to.
He has never been picked last in kickball.
Even mimes can't stop talking about him.
He would never purchase insurance, of any kind.
He picks up women by literally picking them up.
He once trimmed his beard by dunking his face in a piranha tank.
He can spot a bad egg simply by looking at it.
He walked across Death Valley sustaining himself with pretzels.
He burns calories while eating pizza.
When he shows up to the bank there is never a line.
If computers didn't exist he would still have an email address.
His friends call him by his name. His enemies don't call him anything because they're all dead.
When shit hits the fan, he dodges every particle.
He invented the Spanish accent.
He has never made re-fried beans. He gets it right the first time.
If he had a son, that son would be born with a full beard.
He traveled back in time to meet Alexander the Great and promptly kicked his ass.
He doesn't own a comb, his hair just goes into place.
The Vulcan neck pinch has no effect on him.
He was asked to be a judge at the Miss Universe pageant and he won the pageant.
Women melt in his hands. Literally. His dry cleaning bills are astronomical.
He once decided he would like to be a scratch golfer....one Over The Top Golf DVD later, he was.
"Stay thirsty my friends."
Keywords for this article: golf, swing, over the top, lesson, instruction, eBook, GOLF INSTRUCTION DVD, golf swing, golf tournament, OVER THE TOP DVD, scratch golfer, stay thirsty my friends, the most interesting man in the worldRevised 09-03-2012