|A DAY ON THE LINKS WITH JACK NICKLAUS|
JACK: "Your crappy swing sort of looks the same but it's not."
We're at the 19th hole. Just played a round of golf with old friend, Jack Nicklaus. Is he looking for a free golf lesson here, or what?
FRANKIE C: "Thanks for the drink."
A most relaxing time in your golf life, isn't it? Sitting at the table, adding up nassaus and junk and drinking an iced-cold cocktail.
JACK: "First of all, you're hitting low 250 yard bullets straight down the middle instead of those weak 200 yard fades."
FRANKIE C: "I couldn't get it anywhere near you in the old days."
JACK: "Second, from the sound I can tell you're making solid contact, right on the screws."
FRANKIE C: "Yeah, well, the club squares automatically with the Over The Top Golf swing, you know...."
I can't help reflecting on what could have been, not only in the round I just played, but in life itself. Jack went on to make a lot of money. Me, not so much. Also, if Jack hadn't holed out that bunker shot on 18, I would have beat him four ways!
JACK: "Third. you don't hit off your back foot any more. I see a good weight transfer now."
I know how Jack hates to pay up after he loses but oh, man, do I love taking his money.
JACK: So, how's the wife, Frankie C?"
FRANKIE C: "OK, let's see....I won the front, back and overall, you tied the press, I had two greenies and a bird, two birdies and that pull-it-out of your ass sandy on 18 for you-fifteen bucks please. My wife also said to say hello, Jack."
JACK: "Has she been playing much?"
FRANKIE C: "Let me get that fifteen now, just in case you need to dash off to re-shaft a club or something."
Like I said, I have known Jack for a long time and old habits, like disappearing before settling up, well, let's just say I've seen it before. Just then an assistant pro came bursting in.
ASSISTANT: (Looking around) "I just heard that Jack Nicklaus was in the Grill Room."
We had a laugh over that one. The bartender, waiter and few patrons were in the know already.
WAITER: "Do you see Jack Nicklaus anywhere?"
The assistant explained that the cart guy bet him twenty bucks that Jack Nicklaus played the course and was in the Grill Room and why would he do that?
As Jack showed the assistant his drivers license I said the same thing I've been saying to him for the last ten years.
FRANKIE C: "You have got to change your name, Jack."
The poor assistant walked away poorer but wiser, nonetheless. Had he asked whether it was the REAL Jack Nicklaus....
JACK: "My patients love telling people that Jack Nicklaus is their postman. It never gets old."
FRANKIE C: "Just like us, buddy. Just like us."